52 Weeks, 52 Changes: A Cutting Garden

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Happy Fresh Start Friday! Please bear with me as I try to send this via my IPhone! I am thrilled to be en route to Chattanooga to see my boy play for the Chattanooga FC .

It’s been a week of little changes. I can’t wait to share them with you. Today I herald a fun change-I planted, well, Rob and I, planted a cutting garden!

Nothing delights me more than hosting dinner parties and decorating a pretty table! There’s something about beautiful plates, shiny silverware, and little vases of fresh cut flowers. So, I thought…why not plant flowers that I can use on my table? Oh, I know people have done this for centuries, but it is a first for me! Last summer we started with lavender and hydrangeas. This summer we’re adding zinnias, dahlias, snapdragons, daisies and hmmm…several more! I am so excited.

I had to laugh when my husband suggested starting them from seed, though, because I have never started flowers from seed. Why do that when you can get them already grown? He promised it would be more rewarding to watch the process. “I am not so sure,” I smiled. “I like instant beauty…”

So, trusting his inclination, I bought seeds and together, we sowed. Ann (http://www.aholyexperience.com/)
Voskamp lovingly calls her man, “The Farmer,” I now call my man, The Sower!”

(BTW, Rob just asked what I was doing and I told him, “I’m blogging ’bout our garden.” He smiled, “They sprouted, you know!)

While digging, Rob quietly said to me, “Patience. That’s what this takes.”

Now, I am patient in some things but not in other things. I want the full grown promise without all the digging, watering, fertilizing, and waiting.

Does this ring a bell inside your heart?
Is there some area of life requiring some patience today? Well, join me as I learn to wait well. The sprouts will come!

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52 Weeks, 52 Changes: The Vow. The Moment. The Future.

“Everyone here has the sense that right now is one of those moments when we are influencing the future.”
-Steve Jobs

With a million and one things to accomplish before Graduation Day 2012,
my heart had one prayer: “God, give me one moment where I know this has all been YOUR idea.” After putting in so many hours, writing my heart out,
and seemingly failing at test-taking (something I’ve never been good at),
examining personal strengths and weaknesses, listening to so many lying voices (in my head), and trying desperately to make my way through
a maze of conflicting desires and dreams, I wanted a moment of clarity. It came. In a stadium filled with over thirty thousand people,
gathered to celebrate their graduates, President Falwell led the graduates in the recitation of “The Pledge of the Graduate,” which states:

“As a member of the graduating class, and in the presence of those assembled witnesses and God, I express my gratitude to Liberty University
and promise to hold my degree so no loss will come to it.

I pledge to seek earnestly and faithfully to perpetuate this opportunity for other generations of young people, that our Lord’s work may never
lack for leaders of character and ability.

With whatever wisdom I possess and with reverence for the truth, I pledge the best of my life and loyalty to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, to my country and to my alma mater. I affirm my determination to justify, through my own life and deeds, my inheritance from the past and to do all that I can to advance the cause of Jesus Christ.”

There it was. I forgo “walking” because my sweet Brooke was graduating and I wanted first and foremost to be Mom. I couldn’t have been happier. After enduring so much with Brooke through the years, this was her moment, most of all. A college graduate. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

Except for the few minutes it took to stand and recite this pledge. Most of the graduates that day have their whole life in front of them. I have only half, if I am blessed with 50 more years. Somehow, age offers insights not given to the young.

With great sobriety and longing, I recited those words and vowed silently to use the remaining years of my life to advance the cause of God. I have absolutely no idea what or how or where that will be, but I know that Jesus knows. So many have asked, “What are you going to do with your degree? your studies?” I simply replied, “Time will tell.” Having decided to forgo licensure (due to time, money, and calling), I know one thing: I want to help women find freedom in Christ. IF I could do anything, I would travel the world, speak God’s Word anywhere and everywhere, and talk to women. Be a voice for the voiceless.

Do you need a moment? A moment to make a pledge to YOUR God about your future?

Somehow, standing in that stadium filled with God’s people from all over the world, made me smell heaven. As the Sounds of Liberty led us in worship, one by one, people stood. Lifted their hands. Raised their voices. The stadium swelled with the atmosphere of heaven. Oh, I can’t even begin to express the scene. It was a foreshadowing of eternity and quite honestly, I can’t wait.

When we finally stand before Jesus, our Lord and Savior, the One who gives us our gifts and talents, will HE say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”? In that sobering moment, two weeks ago, I felt a resurgence of empowering and a strong desire to hear him say those words to me.

In the end, no other voice will matter.

52 Weeks, 52 Changes: Just Steps Away

“Difficulties are opportunities to better things;
they are stepping stones to greater experience.
Perhaps someday you will be thankful
for some temporary failure in a particular direction.
When one door closes, another always opens.”

As of today, I have lived 18,743 days. If I live to be 90, that gives me 32, 850 days.
So, as of today, I could potentially have 14, 107 more days on this earth.
On my birthday this year, my daughter suggested, “52 Weeks of Being 52.”
I took it one step further and said, “52 Weeks, 52 Changes.”
Boy, little did I know the prophetic nature of my statement.
This week brings one huge change: I FINISH MY MASTERS DEGREE.
Those that love me, can’t wait. They are sick of hearing me talk about it, I’m sure.
But, there have been other little changes since we last talked:
1. I bought an electric toothbrush. Oh, no big deal, you say!
Well, my dentist has been after me for years.
“It will help delay your gum erosion.” After thousands of dollars and almost 8 1/2 hours in the dentist chair (over the past month),
I bought an electric toothbrush. Big change. Go ahead, try changing a habit. It ain’t easy.

2. After several rough patches in the teaching of my home school writing classes, I decided to make a change. Next year, I will be teaching only one very intentional,
very strategic writing class, open to 6th-10th (with some exceptions, as always) home educated students.
“A temporary failure in one direction” brought closure and fierce focus.As I walked this morning, I felt gratitude.
“Sometimes,” I thought, “The crushing blow brings an intense passion and renewal for what really matters. It can serve as a clarion call
when one is bent towards hearing.” Believe me, I love teaching writing, but in order to follow the greater call on my life,
I have to make a change. Scared? Yes. But I’ve been scared before.

3. In March, I started an Interval Training Program at my local gym, with personal trainer, Bev. Why? To get strong.
Why? Because when God asks me to “do exploits” for him, I want to be ready. They say, “You are as old as your back.”
Who is they? I don’t know, but it makes sense, right? Honestly, I thought I’d never be able to do it. But, slow and steady
wins the race.

4. I started talking to myself, alot. That’s right. Through a simple exercise I call, “THOUGHTERCISE,” I am telling myself
all kinds of truth-things. I’m rewinding and resetting my thought life and trying/leaning/praying for God to help me NOT allow
others to control my mind.

These are just a few of my little changes. How about you? Are you “stepping into any new changes in your life?” Do tell.

Lenten Study: Holy Saturday, An Invitation to Learn

Here we are, Holy Saturday. Historically known as “Easter Eve” or “Black Saturday,” this day is commemorated as the day Jesus’s body was laid in the tomb.

Thank you for joining me on this Lenten pilgrimage of deliberate, intentional introspection. Honestly, I am sincerely grateful for the past 40 days, as they have shown me things about myself that needed some attention. The reading from “IF” by Amy Carmichael have been sorely tested in all of my relationships. Part of me is glad to put it down for awhile, because my ego is sore and my heart weary. It has been no coincidence that the final course in my Masters work has also been dealing with relationship issues. Today, as I prepared for a quiz and paper, I read a beautiful challenge on forgiveness:

“Forgiveness is the glue that holds commitment together.
Without forgiveness, commitment will unravel and
the marriage [let's add any relationship]
will come apart. Confession helps promote forgiveness.
Both are difficult.
Confession and forgiveness are rarely acts
people can accomplish under their own power.
If people bring their inadequacies to God
and rely on his working in their lives,
confession and forgiveness become roads to
apprehend more of his grace and mercy.
When partners feel inadequate to forgive
or to confess their wrongdoing, that can be
an invitation for them to learn to know better
the prompter of confession and the author of forgiveness.”
-Worthington, Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling

The Lenten Pilgrimage invites us to an understanding of our inadequacies, doesn’t it? As we are sobered by the words and works of Jesus, we can’t help but become penitent. Yet, we know the whole story. He died, yes, a gruesome death on our behalf. But, he didn’t stay in the tomb. No, he rose from the dead so we could experience abundance and eternity. May today be a holy day in the sense that we actually “await in silence the resurrection.” Reflect, perhaps, on the “rhythm of the relationships” in our lives. I know for a fact that I harbor unforgiveness towards several. God invites me to recognize the inadequacy of my own ability to forgive and accept his enabling to do so. I cry out to God that “confession and forgiveness become roads to apprehend more of his grace and mercy.”

So as we bid adieu to one another and leave our Lenten pilgrimage:

May our hearts be enlarged.
May they beat in the rhythm of grace.
May they race with anticipation
and leap with resurrection power.
To God be the glory, great things he has done.

Holy Week: Feeling means nothing. Faith means everything.

Colton Dixon, one of the new American Idol contestants, sang this song on the show last week. I was moved. Quickly, I downloaded it on ITunes and
today I found him actually singing it at his home church (I’m guessing) where he must be a worship leader. Not sure, only surmising. I printed out the lyrics
and have listened over and over again. One line sings louder than all: How can I stand here and not be moved by You.

It’s Holy Week. We’ve spent that last 30+ days on an intentional, deliberate pilgrimage towards the aria of Resurrection Sunday. It’s been penitent, hasn’t it?
The sobering words of Amy Carmichael have been a daily wearing of ashes leading me to reflect on my current spiritual state. If I am honest, I haven’t enjoyed it.
I like good times. Celebrations. Fun and games. C’mon, who likes to look in the mirror of God’s face in order to deal with the ugly sin of Self, who beckons daily to
walk away from God. What does God matter in your life, anyway? Your hurting and it isn’t getting better. All that prayer, heh. Give it up. He’s a visage. A high-in-the-sky kind of guy.

Today, Amy writes:

“If I crave hungrily to be used to show
the way of liberty to a soul in bondage,
instead of caring only that it be delivered;
If I nurse my disappointment when I fail,
instead of asking that to another the
word of release may be given,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.”

Oh, the sting of reproof. I am so guilty of
nursing my disappointments
and craving the show.
Yet, I know that I know the Truth.
Feeling means nothing.
Faith means everything.
When I fall, and sometimes its several times a day,
I fall at the feet of Jesus.
And, there, on my face, I find hope.
Jesus is my everything.
I will wear the ashes because He wore the thorny crown of MY sin.

What ashes do you need to wear today? It’s Holy Week.
May every step we take this week lead us to the Cross at Calvary, where we will find everything we need.

Lenten Study: Monday Meditation

While waiting for an oil change, I found this lovely prayer:

“Breathe in me,
O Holy Spirit,
that my thoughts may all be holy.

Act in me,
O Holy Spirit,
that my work, too, may be holy.

Draw my heart,
O Holy Spirit,
that I love only what is holy.

Strengthen me,
O Holy Spirit,
to defend all that is holy.

Guard me, then,
O Holy Spirit,
that I may always be holy.”

A great reminder this Monday morning.

Weekend Lenten Study: Remember who(se) you are.

Having eyes to see on my afternoon walk.

“If the praise of man elates me and blames depresses me;
if I cannot rest under misunderstanding
without defending myself;
if I love to be loved more than to love,
to be served more than to serve,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.”
If by Amy Carmichael

During my morning of graduate homework,
I came across a beautiful translation of Psalm 139:13-18 (from my new
Mosaic Bible that I am falling in love with). I pray it whispers renewal into your
sense of self, like the illustration on my doctor’s wall yesterday morning and
the winds of my afternoon walk blew renewal over my body:

While waiting in the doctor's office yesterday, I snapped this illustration as a reminder of Psalm 139. God knows every miniscule fiber of my being and still loves me.

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me.”

It is critical that we remember who(se) we are.

Reading Psalm 139:15-18 and remembering there is a real GOD who knows me. Wow.

Come, Holy Spirit, and breathe renewal and rest
into the innermost parts of our being.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.